Food Glorious Food is all around me. Only problem is I’m not really sure what it all is. The majority of restaurant menus have English names and descriptions alongside photos depicting each dish. While a lot of Thai’s know some English, they speak it like I speak Spanish. Say the one or two words needed to convey meaning very loudly and use a lot of hand gestures and facial expressions. If further communique is required, I reach for Translator app.

Street food is a whole other turkey trot… rather, pork roast. I haven’t seen much turkey. No color photos, no English signage, and no discernible foodstuff. After walking for hours on a wild goose chase Chat sent me on, I come upon a small single grill food cart that would never pass muster as even a hot dog stand in the U.S. Several different types of mystery meat were grilling alongside each other, smoke billowing from the grates coated with years of grease build-up. sauces of some sort stored in a bin along side, as well as other innocuous items hanging above — which I imagine to be accoutrements for the individual skewers.

The Pit Master is a little old Thai lady, next to her I assume her significant other. He’s sitting on a green plastic chair beside the leaning wooden stand.. He doubles as cashier and prop support.  I stand in the considerable line trying to ascertain what the day’s specials are. Imagine the the profit margins, I think to myself..  No permits, no overhead, no fancy well-no-fancy anything — no refrigeration, no menu. The lines serve as free advertisement..

My heart starts beating faster as my turn approaches. Earlier research told me these meat skewers are quite popular.  Fits the low carb Req  — so in I go without a clue how to ask for one. Pointing at a white looking piece of meat I say ‘chicken?’  She turns to her hubby and they both laugh..  Not as amused as they are I ask chicken again..Boss lady takes her tongs and hits a weathered laminated construction paper sign posted right underneath where I’m standing . It has one Thai word on it. I feel the heat of the restless people behind me as I fumble with opening my app. Using the camera option, I snap a photo and wait for the reveal.  OMG this is taking forever and she is losing patience. It’s pork.. I’LL TAKE 2, I scream.

Prop Man reaches for my money. 20 Baht. I look in my pouch and search for the green bill, spilling a couple hundred as I pull my 20 out. She wraps up my skewers and points at a sauce in one of the bags. I shake my head no and pick up my fallen money, then scurry off.

OMG that was stressful/embarrassing… Even more than having to unpack and repack my luggage at the airport. I pull my lunch from the baggie and scarf those skewers down. Delish. They have a sweet glaze covering them and the meat is juicy and caramelized perfectly. 60 cents for a gourmet meal…

The area I’m currently staying in, the Nimman section of Chiang Mai, is always a buzz. Not a frenzied nor frantic more like a beehive buzz. Hence the word “buzz.” Food, drink, massage, nails — everything everywhere right out the front door. I’m on the 4th floor so not exactly out my front door, but you get the gist. I’ve noticed a never-ending line at another street vendor almost directly across from my building. Far more selections, same rustic setup only with slightly more shade covering, and they have tables and chairs scattered around on the Thai’s idea of a sidewalk. Lest I fail to mention — there are no sidewalks in Thailand. For real. And very limited crosswalks with even less actual crossing signals. Pedestrians are in a constant war zone. Good thing I’m good at bobbing and weaving…

With only one foray into street food ordering under my belt, I spend a couple of days noting my hood’s local street joints peak hours. My study of the crowds ebb and flow proves valuable as I  make my way into line whilst during the days lull..  Although the pace is brisk, the young lad can say rice, stay here, and says pork when I point at a dish.  I see a crunchy fried chicken looking item and have him add that as well. . People gathering behind me pulls his attention away and I’m left without knowing what anything else is. Oh well. I fork over 120 Baht while he points to the forks which I grab and then sit at the first wobbly uneven table available. Not as stress-inducing as the first time, but I still have that rushing-down-the-rapids-praying-I-don’t-smash-into-a-jagged-rock feeling.

These places I’m talking about would make the average American turn their noses up, making comments about the unsanitary conditions, the ramshackle appearance, the atrocious seating arrangements… Restaurants in the States can only dream about the never-ending lines of people waiting to eat their food.

I’ve gnawed wildebeest in Africa, chomped down alligator in the Everglades, sucked crawdad heads in the Big Easy, eaten escargot in Paris, savored sashimi in Kyoto, inhaled enchiladas in Encinitas, and bit a blooming onion in an Outback Steakhouse. I can now add tasting street food in Thailand to my résumé.

And damn is it good.

Wine selection, on the other hand, will prove to be a bit more challenging… So far the only drinkable Chardonnay I can find in this great land of culinary pleasures costs as much as one night’s stay in my swanky Airbnb. Shit just got real…

Phtoto’s from  Hua Hin before I got lost in the chaos of  Chiang Mai’s street food scene..